Since I’ve hit the yearly sports abyss where nothing is interesting, I’ve spent the past 2 weeks watching movies..all sorts of movies.  Here is a quick run through of some of the movies that have wasted my time the past two weeks:

Rambo - Exactly what you would expect from a Rambo movie: tons of Asians getting killed and a nonexistent plot.  4 out of 10 CR’s.

National Treasure: The Book of Secrets - Sequel to the far superior original, this is the prototypical rush job to a successful movie.  Nicolas Cage is one of my least favorite actors of alltime.  Ed Harris can’t decide whether he’s a good guy or an evil guy…just a suggestion, stick with evil…it suits you better.  Absurd scene where the President gets “kidnapped”.  5 out of 10 CR’s.

Premonition - Sandra Bullock film, which automatically results in -1 point.  Timeline is all over the place, which wouldn’t be so bad if I actually gave a shit about what was going on.  Husband is dead, no he’s alive, oops he’s dead again, nope alive…fuck you!  4 out of 10 CR’s.

Dot.kill - I had to look up the title of this film b/c I couldn’t remember if it was Dot.kill or Kill.dot, mainly b/c neither one made any sense, much like the rest of this movie.  A blatant rip off of far better movies such as Untraceable and Fear.com, and those movies sucked ass.  I could make a better movie with a camcorder, some duct tape, and a capuchin monkey.  Random observation: is it just me or do capuchin monkeys seem like they would give great hand jobs?  2 out of 10 CR’s.

The Happening - Die, M. Night Shyamalan, die!  Try writing an ending next time.  4 out of 10 CR’s.

Devour - Devil movie.  I’ve seen these movies before, I’ll see them again.  Nothing new here.  Thank God he didn’t bang his new girlfriend, b/c she ends up being his mother, who just happens to be Satan.  3 out of 10 CR’s.

Night at the Museum - The only truly good movie I’ve seen recently.  Original plot, interesting characters, and a sequel in the making.  Nice supporting cast consisting of a pre-suicidal Owen Wilson, Dick Van Dyke (who I thought was dead…oops!), and Robin Williams (the comedic version, not the creepy version).  Stars a capuchin monkey, +1 point.  7 out of 10 CR’s.

The Messengers - Fast forwarded through the boring scenes, which turned this into a more manageable 45-minute movie.  Somewhat hot girl is only redeeming element.  What?  She’s only 18 now, 17 when she made this movie.  Ok, moving along…   4 out of 10 CR’s.

Jackass 2 - Funny and sickening all the way through.  Better plot than half of the movies on this list, only b/c they didn’t attempt to have a plot in this one.  Please put down the bottle of horse semen.  These guys are sick fucks.  6 out of 10 CR’s.