Time to check in on the NBA playoffs to see how everyone is doing. While it has seemed like the playoffs started 18 weeks ago, we’re still just in the middle of the first round. And while there is a lot of drama left to play out, here are 23 random observations:

#1 I’ve watched 3 of the 4 Sixers games and still can’t name more than 2 players.

#2 Could someone tell LeBron James that Kevin Garnett originated the pregame powder routine? He looks like an unoriginal hack.

#3 TJ Ford is a horrible, horrible player. Isn’t the main role of the point guard to make your team better? If you can’t make three-pointers, STOP SHOOTING THEM!

#4 Please tell GMs not to hire Jeff Van Gundy as their head coach. He is much more entertaining behind the mic. File that under whowhathavethunkit…

#5 Similarly, please tell GMs to immediately hire Doug Collins. He could put Lunesta out of business. Speaking of Lunesta, they say that one of its side effects is drowsiness. No kidding!

#6 Gregg Popovich is a great coach.

#7 Eddie Jordan is not.

#8 Mitch Kupchak is still wanted for grand larceny in the state of Tennessee.

#9 In rural Georgia, someone removed a giant rock that had been blocking the entrance of a cave for the last 15 years. Out came 18,000 Hawks fans.

#10 You are better off not making the playoffs (Warriors) than to get your ass handed to you in the playoffs (Nuggets).

#11 Dwight Howard will win a championship one day. He’s that good and he’ll just get better. Too bad all his games were buried on NBA TV. If he played in a bigger market, he’d be a megastar. I think I have a nonsexual crush on him.

#12 The Hack-A-Shaq strategy needs to be outlawed. It ruins the flow of the game. While I do not blame coaches for using this strategy, it’s not in the spirit of the game. Grow some balls, David Stern, and address this immediately.

#13 The NBA Coach of the Year Award is the most meaningless award in sports. The last 5 “winners”: Byron Scott, Sam Mitchell, Avery Johnson, Mike D’Antoni, and Hubie Brown. No, Hubie Brown is not a typo…look it up.

#14 Tracy McGrady will never, ever reach an NBA Final. And yes, Tracy, I blame YOU.

#15 Could someone who knows Chris Paul please have him call Jason Kidd? He wants his jock back.

#16 Has there ever been a team in NBA history with a worse smack-to-performance ratio than the 2008 Wizards? It’s gotta be around 142:3 right now.

#17 Josh Howard should stop doing radio interviews…and hire a PR rep…and probably a lawyer.

#18 As much as I love Kobe Bryant, I think Derek Fisher is my favorite player right now. I trust his judgment. Everyone knows that Bryant and Gasol make the Lakers contenders. But it’s Fisher that could give them the edge.

#19 Who is to blame for the Pistons’ somnambulistic performance in their first 4 games? I say Flip Saunders…mainly because it’s fun blaming him for things. If you don’t believe me, the next time someone cuts you off in traffic, just focus your anger on Flip Saunders. I guarantee, you’ll feel better.

#20 Utah Jazz games are strangely entertaining. I have no idea why, but I’m always very into their games. When the game is over, I have no idea what I just watched and why it was so entertaining. It’s kinda like watching “Ronin”.

#21 Knee-jerk trades don’t work. Ask Mike D’Antoni and Avery Johnson.

#22 Have you ever met a Spurs fan? I haven’t. I don’t think they exist. Their home games are all CGI and bluescreen.

#23 If you want to know what a man looks like when his asshole is tightening, take a look at Doc Rivers towards the end of Game 4.